Social media. We love it, we hate it, and for many of us, we feel like we can’t escape it. It’s become so intertwined in our daily lives that walking away feels impossible—much like being stuck in a toxic, abusive relationship. You know the one—it starts off innocently enough, makes you feel good for a while, but slowly chips away at your sense of self, your worth, your peace. And despite all the red flags, you stay. You stay because it’s familiar, because you’ve invested too much time in it, or because you think you have no other choice.
But let me start by being brutally honest: I hate social media. I hate everything about it. It feels like a toxic space where everyone’s lives are paraded for public consumption, comparison, and judgment. And yet, as a business owner, I find myself faced with a dilemma I never thought I’d be in—needing to embrace social media just to keep my business afloat.
How The Relationship Starts:
.I joined Facebook late, while deployed in Afghanistan in 2009. Even then, I resisted the pull. I didn’t see the appeal of “poking” someone or connecting with people I couldn’t care less about from my school days. To me, real friends were those you called, wrote letters to, and actually kept in touch with. Why would I want to reconnect with people who made my life miserable back then? But the pressure mounted. So I gave in. At first it was harmless enough, some light entertainment during downtime, A nice little catch up with people you once shared some fun times with.
But just like an unhealthy relationship, the cracks started to show fairly quickly. It became a constant barrage of updates, photos, and lives that didn’t concern me. What was even worse were the subtle power games—friend requests denied or ignored, people “liking” posts just for the sake of it. It became clear to me that social media wasn’t a genuine connection tool; it was a virtual playground for passive-aggressive interactions.
The Manipulation Begins: Feeling Trapped
As I moved through some of the darkest times of my life—leaving the army, losing a long-term relationship, battling isolation—social media became a trigger, not a comfort. I’d see friends living their best lives, moving up in their careers, all while I felt like my world was falling apart. But I couldn’t look away. That’s the trap. It’s just like being in a bad relationship where the person gaslights you—feeding you just enough validation to keep you hooked, but not enough to make you feel truly seen or valued.
I remember one friend telling me how miserable she was in her marriage, only to post a family photo an hour later, all smiles and laughter. My brain couldn’t reconcile the two. I started questioning everything I saw. Was anyone’s life as perfect as they made it seem? Or was everyone else just as miserable behind the scenes?
It became too much. I couldn’t handle the façade anymore, and so I broke free. I deleted Facebook, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could breathe. No more comparing, no more toxic interactions, no more feeling like I wasn’t good enough.
The False Promises: Instagram and the Illusion of Escape
But, like any abusive relationship, it’s not always that easy to escape. I stayed connected through Instagram, telling myself it was different. It wasn’t as invasive, just pictures of beautiful places, animals, and a few harmless holiday snaps. It felt like the "honeymoon phase" all over again. But social media, like any abuser, has a way of reeling you back in, showing you what it wants you to see.
After I had my twins in 2018 and tragically lost one of them, Instagram became unbearable. Suddenly, my feed was full of pregnant women, baby showers, and new mums celebrating milestones I would never get to have. The algorithm fed me the very things I was trying to escape, twisting the knife into my grief. And once again, I realised I was trapped in a cycle I didn’t want to be in. So, like Facebook, Instagram had to go.
The Control: Social Media and the Business Dilemma
But here’s the thing about abusive relationships—you can leave, but sometimes you find yourself pulled back in. And now, as a business owner, I find myself once again tethered to social media. The worst part? I don’t want to be. I’ve fought so hard to stay disconnected, to protect my mental health, but running a business in 2024 without social media? It’s next to impossible. Social media, much like an abusive partner, dangles the promise of success in front of you. It whispers that you need it, that you can’t survive without it. And I’m starting to believe it.
And so I’m faced with a bitter truth: in this day and age, social media is critical to the survival of a small business. Without any budget for ads or a marketing team, platforms like TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram are the free, organic way to reach new customers
Let me be clear—I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be sucked into the wormhole of TikTok, scrolling endlessly, feeling like I’ve wasted precious time. I don’t want to compare my business to others, wondering why they have more followers, more sales, more success. It’s demoralising. But the reality is, I don’t have a choice. I need to be visible online for my business to grow. Social media still has that power over me, even when I know the damage it’s doing.
The Mental Toll: Why Social Media is Still Toxic
Here’s the truth: I know social media is toxic. I see the way it affects people—especially the younger generation. It breeds envy, insecurity, and anxiety. It perpetuates unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness. And yet, we can’t leave. We’ve become so reliant on it for connection, validation, and, in my case, survival as a business owner.
But at what cost? For me, the cost is my mental health. Every time I engage with social media, I feel a piece of my well-being slipping away. It’s like being back in that abusive relationship, knowing it’s bad for me but feeling like I don’t have a choice.
How to Break Free
Here’s the part that pains me the most: every time I re-engage with social media for the sake of my business, it chips away at my mental health. It forces me to compromise on principles I’ve held for years. I see the damage social media does, especially to young people. I see the comparisons, the body image issues, the FOMO (fear of missing out), the toxic need for validation through likes and comments. I know all of this, and yet, I find myself being sucked into the same cycle.
Social media is addictive, no doubt about it. The algorithms are designed to keep you hooked, to keep you scrolling, and to make you feel like you’re never doing enough. It’s exhausting. And as much as I want to say, “Fuck it! I’ll just run my business off-grid,” the truth is, I can’t afford to, believe me I've tried! And so, here I am, stuck between wanting to protect my mental health and needing to grow my business.
So, what’s the answer? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m torn between staying true to my beliefs about the toxicity of social media and accepting that, as a business owner, I need to play the game to survive. The irony isn’t lost on me—I’m writing this blog post to share on social media, after all.
But I want to be clear: I’m not here for the likes, the follows, or the fake validation. I’m here because I believe in what I do, and I want to connect with people in a meaningful way. I want to help others see that you can run a business, share your experiences, and tell your story without selling your soul. If my journey resonates with you, then maybe we can find a better way together—a way to balance being visible in the online world without losing ourselves to it. Does anyone else face this dilemma. Please tell me I'm not alone.
Note: While I haven’t personally experienced an abusive relationship (Toxic, yes), I deeply empathise with those who have. I use this analogy with the utmost respect, as an outsider who sees parallels in how toxic dynamics, like those found in unhealthy relationships, mirror the emotional manipulation and control social media can exert over our lives. My intent is never to diminish the reality of abusive relationships but rather to emphasise the profound impact social media can have on our mental well-being.